Michael Jackson

One of the best articles i've seen on MJ tribute. Hardcopy's the best but guess the softcopy will suffice.
This one's great coz it has a few videos attached to the site as you read along.

Just to share~
I'm sad but i know I do not morn his death alone. Truly has he left a legacy and a great vision for humanity around the world.
He truly saw that music can change/move the world. He believed in that.

Live life to the fullest!
Peace Out!
-Chun

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Article 1:
A Pop Icon's Death: The Talent and the Tragedy
By JOSH TYRANGIEL
http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1907269,00.html

Article 2:
Michael Jackson: The Death of Peter Pan
By RICHARD CORLIS
http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1907344,00.html

Article 3:
A picture collection of MJ; compiled beautifully by LIFE shown here
http://www.life.com/image/first/in-gallery/22793/michael-jackson-life-and-times

New Life?

Gosh.
I've not visited this page in eons!
And skimming through some of my past entries wow, looks like I've grown quit abit.
I blabber so much! goodness! forgive me! ha!

Openess is a good thing I guess and to a large extent now, I regret not writing all/more of my past experiences. I came here to search for some past experiences that I wrote on to use as Testimony! I'm shockingly in bible school now. Still growing. Definitely not there yet. Looking back on my old entries wow I've alot to work on! :D

Guess that's why I signed up for bible school! I know I can do so much better if I work just a little harder.
Bible school is coming to and end this august but it'll mark a new beginning for my life i believe.

I'm still struggling trying to finish all the homework yet do well in my career in dance.
I'm proudly still doing dance full-time and to be able to make a living out of what i love to do is a privilege, that too often I take for granted I feel.

Another big thing i take for granted in my life are the people. Namely Daryl and my mom.
As the most recent news. I finally broke up with Daryl for the many problems I felt we had. But that week apart he was really nice to me. We talked more than ever after we've broken up and i'm loving it. I'm falling head over heels for Daryl again and it feels like a healthy growing relationship once again. We're just taking it slow now and dating again which is sweet.
Again it doesnt change the scenario, He is studying, I'm working/dancing.

But we're growing on each other and to me it feels nice! I like the pace and where we're going - it feels like a beautiful relationship now, though I'm not too sure what happened! Perhaps is the reality that hit us to not take each other for granted, to thrash out lovingly but honestly everything when it was the end (or what we thought it would be)..We talked and we're still talking and I'm loving the honesty and openness and love-languages.

My mom has been ever so supportive. She takes care of me, works hard for the family and i can never be more grateful.
My biggest hope is for her to accept Daryl? We were rocky but we seem on the right track finally, for some magical reason. Must really thank god I feel for helping us sort out everything. We're still sorting out and will continue to sort out.

The keyword now i need to repeat is PERSEVERE! As i face my mountain of bible work, I am wondering and regretting yes. But i know after i get through this i'll be stronger!

Lotsa choreos to do and bible sermons to write. But it's gonna be great and i'll live to tell my tale :D
have a great week ahead!

These days

Just to share a vegan factiva!!! :D
Interesting! See! Being vegan rocks haha check it out!
http://www.essortment.com/family/vegetarianhealt_sytq.htm


Yea but i can finally feel the calm after the storm coming. I've been looking forward to March for all my projects (major ones like EMCC, Danceworks, Evocation & Temasek Hall Dance production) to come to an end. Also the Early morning 7:30am class all the way at White Sands Pasir Ris and i teach only one class and that's it. i head all the way back to central area or wherever. Well, all i can say is we learn. Pay's not good wither coz half of it goes to the horrendous cab fare during peak hours from my place all the way to pasir ris. There goes the money. Recently lots of excessive expenditure on cab fare and my increasing fatigue. All my free time i try to give it to my new found boyfriend Daryl and we had our first "quarrel" last night. As a result of a combination/accumulation of differences here and there.

In short, i find him becoming less and less of the partner i thought he was. I'm definitely worried for I see more and more differences between us and it makes me wonder why we got together in the first place. But the answer is simple; we love each other. But can we survive the ordeal of life and living? We'll see.

I definitely wished perhaps we shouldnt have jumped into this relationship too soon. I can at the end of the day regret all i want but i think it's about looking forward now. Seeing the value in things, particularly him and what he has done for me.
Not much of a history there, but he's been there as much as he can and i appreciate that.

Funny. I got this quote: Hebrews 12:3.
Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

My first instance was to think of him (Daryl) enduring all odds and sacrifices and tries to lighten my load. I say "try" because he sometimes tries to help but causes me more trouble and frustration than anything else. Leaving me to doubt his sensitivity that seems to be excessively too much a times. One word, frustrating. I remember now why i dont get into relationships. Simply because it's too time-consuming and troublesome. I know if you care for that person enough all this trouble wouldnt matter. But maybe because i'm pressed for time and short of money. Having to pacify him all the time is the last thing i need.

I think deep inside i crave to be a girl. The normal girly needs of having a guy that can take care of me and provide support or a shoulder to rely on when life becomes rocky. I feel more and more like the guy. Making decisions, taking leadership charge, trying to hoang3 him and pacify him. make him happy. It's tiring.

We'll see if the fruits of my labour will come to pass. I like being real. Saying anything I wanna say. Have the freedom to do the things I want to. I definitely do not like to I feel restricted. Much less obligated to do anything.

Relationships need time to blossom surely. I'm gonna give us time. I feel we need this time and space though he disagrees. I always thought relationships were happy. You should be feeling happy with that someone and its a joy to make them happy. I feel less and less happy now and it worries me. I pray its just a phase and this is a tough month for me. He has exams too and he's not studying as much which worries me. Who am i to judge surely but i really wish he'd focus on his studies more.

I'm digressing forgive me. But thanks for hearing me out.
Interesting dynamism though between us. But it's going away from my limit. I'm playing too much of the guy role and i detest it. I pray for clarity in the relationship, love and understanding and of course openess.

I hope you're doing well! Thanks again for still reading this space and hearing my digressions.
God bless!

Short & sweet

From the title I wish i was referring to myself! Unfortunately not! ha

I'm referring to the way these ladies write!

Haha as concisely spoken by Hui Yi; I truly admire the way she "rants" on her blog. Systematic, concise, effective, direct. I won't call it a rant can! Goodness. It's how short and how clear haha

Feel free to check her blog out; though I take forever just to read her chinese posts (yes she types in Mandrin! I dont think i have any software on my computer than can! lol) Amazing.

Yes! Another great breakthrough is an email from my awesome teacher from the States back at UConn.. Ms Laura Crow!

Love her! This is what she wrote:

The best musical theatre program in the US is at the Uiversity of Michigan, but Cincinnati Conservatory of Music is also good. I need to check on West Coast Schools. There are pretty radical theatre programs at Cal Arts (California Institute for the Arts) in LA and at the University of California San Diego, but I don't know about Dance. UCLA (University of California Los Angeles) has a dance program I believe and also Opera, but probably not much pop. I'm not sure where to go for pop dancing!

I'm happy that you are thriving and learning more and more about choreography.
Have a Happy and productive New Year!

hugs,
Laura

Another short and sweet yet informative note from these amazing women i so admire.

Yes but Laura basically responded to my query on which schools in USA does she recommend.

I told her of my intention to go LA this time but to study for 3years or more. Either Musical Theatre (that teaches you how to Sing, Dance and Act) or Dance. We'll see :)

Update you again soon! In the meantime i'm always here in Singapore so if anything can leave me a message :) take care!

Deception

I wonder if there's a positive version of this word. Hmm. "Deception".

I thesaurus-ed it on Oxford and let's see, we have "duplicity, double-dealing, fraud, cheating, trickery..." ok not very positive right there. Second meaning! Hmm let's see "trick, sham, fraud, pretense, hoax, fake, blind, artifice.."

I wonder because today i noticed my fine line being crossed. Am i faking it? 

Am i faking being happy when i may not feel so. Maybe no-one else can really pin-point this but i know i can. I want to smile, i want to cheer! And so i do.

Yes nothing wrong with that but today, i think i went overboard (or so i infer from the crowd's mixed reactions). I realised now reflecting upon today that i may feel bland and cold inside; not feeling like talking/interacting; not wanting to share anything with anybody or that my body/mind is tired from a weary day or bad company, but i want to snap out of this negativity! Be positive!

I hope to energise my actions and the crowd in hopes of changing everyone's mood, including mine. I wonder now if how much is too much. Is this faking it? When you act not according to how you feel?

Sometimes I wonder if i'm deceiving myself. From believing that i'm fine and well. Think the difference really is i must believe i AM fine and well.

I dont feel to good these days and i shall let the cat outta the bag really coz really i think i shd let all who know me know. Including Fred. No more Fred in my life :) We're through and done. Ended on Tuesday i'd say. I know i felt ok immediately after but i guess it's coz i said my peace and whatever i could. But his harsh hurting words still ring in my head. He'll probably ask cite me the exact words. Are you sure its not just you being oversensitive..blah blah blah. Guess for me the last straw was when he said he never cared and he thinks he knows best for me. He makes it sound so nice when he says oh i want you to stand on your own and i'm being to reliant on him. He said "whatever you say now will have no effect on me now, seriously". Wait why am i still remembering all this. Think it's been a week now and i guess its always good to let it out. But whatever it is, guess he never needed me nor anyone in his life. Maybe never will. But that's his life now and God bless us for that's the end of it and moving on is hard especially when i feel so sour and hurt by Fred.

Aik Leong really hit me on the nail head *bingo* really when he rebutted me. No in fact Chun honestly i feel you're a tinge sadder. Coz i know how much joy he has brought into your life. *ouch*

True. But i can forgive Fred for his harsh and hurting words time and time again but really all of a sudden like diao me then say he doesnt like alot of parts of me as a person and cant accept me for who i am. I was really taken aback. Wow. Its coming to two years and after all that, these are the words from the horse's mouth itself. Wow.

Please pray for me. But i know God sees me for who I am. And my many friends and family who love me. Guess Fred's apparently never one of them, said he when he said he never cared. I know when people are angry or mean to hurt and harm you intentionally, they can really say the darnest things. I hate him now and i know i shouldnt. Guess we all need time.

But Fred says its not the end. For me, Fred, if you still read this space, bye bye.

I still care for him and pray for him perhaps out of habit coz he really brought so much joy into my life. He never admits i bring joy to his. Maybe just like the care thing, i don't. But whatever.

Yeah so i feel really terrible and really nasty and reproached sometimes but i feel hurt still and his dagger words are playing in my head. Thank god for willpower, dance, music and good company. I snap outta hurt-zone. Wonder if i have to mourn or sth coz snapping out all the time i wonder if its healthy for my mind..hmm

But whatever it is i'm glad now. At least we're done and through. Clean cut. No more mess and no more problems. Soon, no more tears. No more fears.

No more emotional investments, no more pain. Oh wait, i sound like a Fred. Ha. His walls feel so high again. But i'm not going to climb nor do anything anymore. I want to build more walls now for probably the first time in my life consciously. This will be the hardest structure to build probably but I will finish it. To fulfill his wish and mine. He will have no more Chun to nag and him and irritate the hell out of him anymore, he can be peaceful and in his own castle and make new friends way better. I dont care coz i choose not to. Wall-building in progress. I wish i had help building this wall. It's difficult.

I used to hate walls and never liked hiding. I love to battle, fight, conquer territory and stuff like that. I bash walls. But as i build my first layer, today I saw him and i was irked. I dont know why. That's a bad response i know. But with my half-built wall to protect me, i feel abit safer.

But tonight i write here. Because as i picked up my tools and cement, I weep and i dont know why. I think i feel that it's a pity to lose someone who i thought was the closest thing to me. My mis-judgement, i guess! *shrug* A wall it is, coming right up. Good bye, good bye and I say out loud because i want to instill in myself that this is reality. Linking back to my title (ha) really that I sometimes feel that i might be deceiving myself. But I think i can heal my heart behind these walls.

Please come visit me in my castle anytime! hehe but for strangers nono. Fred's a stranger to me now. I dont understand him and he doesnt understand me. He says he does but i cant tell for sure. Only god knows.

Hey ya but I'm still under renovation so hence my fragile self. But i am trying to be strong as i always am. Being strong is my strength (if that makes sense). heh.

But I must must say! Thank you THANK YOU Thank you! For loving me. For believing in me and for caring for me. I may not see you often but i think of people all the time. Yes i think i think too much sometimes. But i do think of you. Thank you. I love you and thank you for loving me.

May you have a blessed day ahead and meet soon! Night!

Chun's dream to go LA

Ok it really struck me. I really really wanna go LA. Heck all the friends who are gg there on exchange including Yayi. Guess it's always good if we have friends in a foreign land but reality check! Think i shdnt freeload off anyone. Looks like its another solo trip again.

Right when am i going? Go knows but i chanced upon the Edge website, a reknowned studio in LA. It seems they dont issue Visas! That's a problem :( But if i can ever stay in LA for a year, I'd go for it. Sidenote: this Edge Dance programme has already begun according to the website in Sept; i couldnt have made it anyway but i'm hoping for the next intake.

Else i guess it's another on my own dance trip wif no certification kinda ad-hoc courses.

I fear i would get the same result which is insufficient coverage and lacking in depth basically coz the time is just too short and there are so many types of hip hop and jazz classes offered and that i want to take.

But folks I am going in 2009 confirm..! I'm also considering joining Peter and gang to go for the Broadway Dance Center ISPV programme for international students. Yes that's in New York again..I love that place dont get me wrong but i dunno if its right if i go back there again for another extended period of time. The plus side though about gg for this is that Visa is covered though i cant work (M-1) and its over 3 or 6mths or 1yr and they offer a certificate. I hate it when i say that word coz its truly a Singaporean mentality but for sure i feel more secure knowing that i have spent so much time and for so long in NYC solely focusing on improving my dance capabilities. I'm definitely familiar with NYC also and its near all my friends in Connecticut. But a larger part of me wants to explore the world.

When i was in LA 2yrs ago there were alot of summer intensives offered by studios. wonder if there still are. we'll see. But i wanna go LA so bad to experience the dance culture there truly. i went LA but still regret not making my way to the dance studios back then.  It's been 2yrs. And though lagged, i feel the urge now more than ever to go.

The question is when. My mind keeps chanting Asap.

i'm thinking 3mth ISVP in NYC from April through June/July. Then hit Chicago to visit De Rui and then summer in LA in hopes of catching some summer intensives there or related programmes. So that leaves me with 2mths to raise all the money.

Wish me luck!

But whatever the case, LA here i come!